Will you ‘DARE to Decide?’
Making the decision to end your relationship is not easy.
“Should I stay or should I go?” Is a question that thousands of people ask themselves every day.
There are so many factors to consider, and just one of these points on their own can create a huge amount of stress, not just for you but your partner, your children and even extended family.
You may be asking yourself questions like:
Where will I live?
Will I ruin my children’s lives?
How will I manage co-parenting?
Can I afford it?
How will my partner respond?
How do I even get started?
And so much more.
With all of these unanswered questions, and often no one to really talk to about the answers, is it any wonder that it can take five years or more to make the decision that you have had enough and you have to leave?
Giving yourself the opportunity to really explore who you are and what you want from your relationship, and from yourself, is a gift.
It is telling you that you are worth it.
It is saying that the time is now to explore. It doesn’t mean you have to decide right now. There is no pressure to do that. But it is saying let’s dig a little deeper.
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Image Credit Cotton Bro Studio
Image Credit Cotton Bro Studio
With all of these unanswered questions, and often no one to really talk to about the answers, is it any wonder that it can take five years or more to make the decision that you have had enough and you have to leave?
Giving yourself the opportunity to really explore who you are and what you want from your relationship, and from yourself, is a gift.
It is telling you that you are worth it.
It is saying that the time is now to explore. It doesn’t mean you have to decide right now. There is no pressure to do that. But it is saying let’s dig a little deeper.
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt
How much is this indecision costing you?
Indecision is a very painful place to live in. It costs you far more than simply money, it costs you emotionally and physically, and disrupts your sense of security and who you are.
The stress of an unhappy relationship can make you physically and mentally unwell. Anxiety, depression and disease are all symptoms of not being in alignment with who you truly are. Facing your fears can result in the release of pressure and uncertainty, and give you a sense of clarity and direction.
When I was in the space of uncertainty I felt completely stuck by my fear. I experienced very high anxiety and depression. I was constantly crying and yelling at my two beautiful children. I had become a person I did not know or like. The pain of the ‘not knowing what to do’ was actually harder than the final decision!
I felt so confused. I wanted the marriage to work, but I didn’t know how. I was willing to do whatever it took, and at the same time, I had no idea what that actually meant.
I needed help to decide. But back in 2009 I had no idea what coaching meant, and even though I had just finished my psychology degree, it never occurred to me to get help! I was totally consumed with blaming my husband and couldn’t see I had to learn how to take back control of my own life! I had to DARE to Decide!
And this is how “DARE to Decide” came to life.
It is a combination of my own lived experience, years of learnings, again both personally and professionally, and working with people just like you.
People who have felt stuck in their relationship.
People who feel unable to make a decision.
People who genuinely care about their partner but cannot live like this anymore.
People who feel trapped because of the circumstances, financial, children, and sometimes abuse.
“DARE to decide’ is about giving you the education you need, perhaps a gentle reality check, to help you take the steps you need to either leave the relationship, or give it one last shot!
Is ‘DARE to Decide’ for me?
Getting the right support and advice can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees, years of turmoil and a whole lot of heartache.
Does this sound like you?
- I don’t know if I love my partner anymore
- Sometimes it just feels too hard
- I’m scared I won’t be able to manage on my own
- My partner will not accept it’s over and I don’t know how to manage that
- ‘I ‘m so angry
- I worry about the effect of separation on my kids
- I have no idea how to ask for what I want
- ‘I’m afraid my partner will turn on me
- I don’t know how to protect myself financially or emotionally
- I have experienced trauma in my relationship
- My partner could be, or is, a narcissist, how do I escape that?
- My anxiety is preventing me from leaving my marriage
- I don’t want to hurt my partner
- The idea of being single is overwhelming
- What steps do I take to initiate a divorce?
- I have no one to talk to about this
- I feel so alone
- I am having thoughts of self-harm because I feel so unable to make a move
The thought of starting over is too much.
Image Credit Min An
There is NO shame in asking for help.
It could be the best decision you ever made!
What is this program NOT about?
It is NOT about making the decision for you. This is a decision only you can make.
It is NOT about telling you how to leave the relationship. Yes, there will be guidance if you decide to leave, but ultimately the fine detail is up to you.
It is NOT a relationship ending program. Many people who do this program take the step to engage in their relationship or to do couples therapy/counselling.
It is NOT judgmental, based on any religious beliefs or shaming.
It is NOT legal or financial advice.
What IS the DARE program?
It is a deep dive into your relationship.
It is a safe space for you to be completely honest.
It is time for you to reflect on what you want for YOURSELF.
It is an opportunity for you to make a decision, to either embrace your relationship and do whatever it takes, or to step away.
It is about helping you take a step closer to “Should I stay or should I go?”
It IS for everyone, no matter how they identify.
This tailor-made program is based on professional and personal knowledge.
It is designed to help support you through this process, help you make good decisions, understand yourself and your relationship, and most importantly feel like this really is the best decision for you!
Can I do this WITH my Partner?
The simple answer is Yes, and No.
Ultimately this is a decision that you will likely make on your own, but working through it with your partner can make a huge difference to the outcome.
The term ‘Conscious Uncoupling’ was created by psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas (2016), and made famous by Gwenyth Paltrow in 2014.
It is the process whereby you both choose to work together to learn and grow from your experience of your relationship, and then decide together on how you will end the relationship in a respectful and cooperative way.
Much in the same way, ‘DARE Together’ focuses on how you got to where you are today, understanding your role in this process, and looking at what it is you can do to change the situation, if you choose to do so.
Your relationship, however, may have come to a point of no return.
If this is the case working together to achieve an amicable and fair split of the assets and a workable solution for co-parenting (if you have children) can be more easily achieved when you let go of anger and resentment, take responsibility for you part, and see your partner as a conduit for growth, rather than as your adversary.
Image Credit Pavel Danilyuk
Who is the ‘DARE Together’ program not for?
- If one partner is displaying high narcissistic behaviours this is not for you.
- If there is abuse in the relationship.
- If someone in the relationship is unwilling to do the work.
- If someone in the relationship wants to blame the other.
Who is ‘DARE Together’ for?
This program is certainly not for everyone.
If you are both willing to:
- Take responsibility for your own actions and let go of blame and shame
- Respect and honour the love you once held.
- Gently walk through the process of letting go.
- Work together for the sake of the children (if you have them).
- Be mindful of all the misinformation and expectations of others for you to be angry and enraged.
This can only be done if both of you feel safe to be completely honest, there is no abuse or coercion, and both of you are willing to hear the hard truth without trying to convince the other that they are wrong and they should stay, or go!
Separation does not have to be disastrous! It can be loving and kind.
BOOK HERE TO SEE IF THIS IS RIGHT FOR YOU
How does doing DARE Together work?
It is recommended that you work through each module on your own, and then come together to discuss the outcome after you have completed it. In doing this you can reflect on your own thoughts, take your time and be honest with yourself.
It is also recommended that if both of you are interested in this that you choose the Individual Coaching Program*. In this way you can receive the guidance and support you need.
Remember, if you could figure out all the hard stuff together you already would have!
What does the ‘DARE Together’ program involve?
Online modules plus
2 x individual coaching sessions
2 x couple sessions
The delivery of these sessions is flexible; however, it is recommended that you each have one session on your own before a couples session.
There is a 30% discount if you and your partner decide to do this program together. Please book in a complimentary consultation to discuss if this program is for you, and to get started.
Ultimately the main reason for your decision has to be about
YOU and how YOU FEEL
Together you mind find that there is room in your heart to give it one last shot, or you may find that you are done. Whatever your choice, that is ok.
What is “Dare To Decide”?
D for DOWNLOAD – Explore with no judgement what has led you to this uncertainty. Through carefully crafted questions you will look at yourself, your partner and your relationship.
A for ASK for what you need. Gain confidence to discuss with your partner your needs. You will also be asked some questions about your own needs, and work on a specific limiting belief that is keeping you stuck.
R for REALIGN. Your emotions are ultimately what keeps you from making wise decisions. All the what if’s, the fear, the doubt, the worry about making the wrong decision. In this session we will work on Anger and Resentment.
E is for Escape or Engage. Depending on what you have decided after the first three sessions this session will focus on next steps. Often people choose to do both worksheets. This helps them to really feel into where they are at.
It is very painful to sit on the fence. With one foot in the relationship and one foot out you are neither committed to stay or to go.
Imagine if by the time you reach this point you are able to say YES, I am ALL in, or YES, I am Leaving! This may feel completely out of reach right now, but if you really dig deep you will take a massive leap in the right direction.
Discover My Journey
I am a registered psychologist and qualified coach, with over thirteen years experience working with individuals, couples and for a short while children. Through working with thousands of people I have learnt that the true value of decision making comes from non-judgmental conversations, a listening ear, and a supportive heart.
Your families and friends, as much as they love you and want to support you, will likely take your side, give you biased opinion, be too emotional, and can often, unintentionally, make the situation worse!
I was with my first husband from the age of 17 until 38. It was at times loving, and fun, but, for the most part it felt like I was unseen and unheard. I did whatever I could to please him and avoid conflict, and even so, conflict was a very big part of the relationship.
Along the way, I lost my sense of who I was.
Making the decision to leave was incredibly difficult. I had two young children and I was terrified of the impact that would have on them. The thought of leaving, what others would think, did I have a good enough reason to leave, how would I cope financially, all this and more clouded my judgement and bored my friends for way to long.
After years of turmoil, trying to make it work, guilt, uncertainty, shame, suicidal thoughts and all the other mixed emotions, I finally came to the conclusion that the only way I would survive was to end the marriage.
After the separation true growth began.
I started to make decisions on my own, to challenge everything I believed about myself. I came to realise I had no sense of self-worth and therefore did not stand up for myself.
I was afraid of conflict. I didn’t know how to have difficult conversations, and so avoided them. I had to learn how to speak my truth with assertiveness and kindness.
I began to take responsibility for my own life and the direction I wanted it to take.
I embarked on a journey of self-discovery that included workshops, therapy, intense emotion, books, and facing the harsh reality of who I had allowed myself to become.
It wasn’t easy, but it was certainly worth it.
Through all of this I found the passion to help others navigate this difficult time.
To help empower you in this process, and to support you, no matter what.
“Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.” – Paul Tillich
Want to know more?
Leanne has featured in many podcasts, links for these can be found in the bio on Instagram @The_Transformational_Breakup
Book an appointment: To arrange a complimentary discussion about how this program may benefit you.
Leanne has been featured in Amazon’s number 1 bestseller Embrace Your Feminessence, a beautiful book including stories that are healing, relatable and empowering.
Working with men is just as important as as women. She explains why in her TEDx talk. TEDx “Why the time is NOW to talk to Men” The talk is only available via this link as TEDx deemed the talk to be potentially “disturbing
FB Support Group (Free for everyone) Divorce, Separation and a little bit of hope
Online Coaching Program
Online modules to help guide you to greater clarity.
This includes the modules above however does not include any personalised coaching. You can choose to add in sessions as you need at an extra cost. You will be given the calendar link to do this.
Individual Coaching Program:
In addition to the online modules you will get four personalized sessions with Leanne to help you dig deeper, unravelling your thoughts and gaining clarity about what is right for you and your situation.
“Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.” – Doe Zantamata
Still can’t decide?
Book in for a no pressure, complimentary discussion to see what is the best path for you to take.