Healing Your Heart: A simple Guide to Divorce

In this blog post, I’ll share strategies to help you heal emotionally, but this is just the beginning, and it can take months, or even years, to completely heal, if ever.
The trick is to not ignore it, or use unhelpful things like alcohol or drugs to mask the pain. What this actually does is stop you from processing your emotions, and then it simply takes longer for you to heal! It can also lead to addictions, which is then a whole new issue to deal with.
You need to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Don’t expect to feel great straight away. You are going through grief. It has been said that a the grief of a divorce can be as bad as the death of a loved one. The difference with a divorce however, is that there is no immediate closure. If you have kids it can feel like there is always an open door, but the crack gets smaller as the kids get older.
If there is a lot of arguing over property and children, then the grief, anger and resentment will likely continue until this is all finalised, and if this takes years it will take longer again to work through the residual emotions. Sometimes you have to cut your losses, or your ego, to allow yourself to move on and be happy.
Acknowledge Your Feelings:
It’s okay to grieve the end of a marriage and feel a range of emotions. There is nothing wrong with you if one day you feel the full relief of the separation, and the next you are a crying mess on the floor.
This roller coaster is pretty much what most people go through after a long-term relationship ends. Remember, you have given your heart and soul to that person for years. You expected it to be a life long partnership, instead, it turned to a shit show that left you feeling like you have nothing more to give. You are now letting go not only of your partner, but property, security, time with children, pets, sometimes even friends and family. It is a big deal and should be acknowledged as such.
So go gently with yourself.
Self-Care Rituals
Create self-care routines that prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. I often ask my clients, what is it that you have wanted to do but couldn’t, or wouldn’t, because of your relationship? Is this something you can do now?
Think learning an instrument, how to dance, or paint, or join a team sport, maybe hiking, or starting a class, even changing your career or the area you live in (be mindful of children if you have any with this one).
Allowing yourself to get into a habit of including things you love to do will go a long way towards you healing your heart and believing in yourself again.
Reconnect with your friends
When we are in relationship, an unfortunate side effect can be (but not always), that you disconnect from your friends, or even your family.
If this has happened, you may want to consider mending some bridges. This may mean an apology, or the brave step to reach out with sincerity and vulnerability.
This is not about finding an old shoulder to cry on, but if that happens then fantastic, this is more about you connecting back to people who actually mean something to you. These types of connections can be an opportunity for you to connect back to who you truly are, or even a reminder of the person you where before the heartbreak.

Please note that I’m not a financial advisor or legal representative, but as a coach I’m here to offer guidance and support. If you would like to hear what a solicitor, financial planner, mediator and naturopath say about this, download the free ebook “Breakup to Breakthrough” for more information.

Leanne Kanzler